Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Being Rejected

What do you do with your life when you are regarded as the useless stupid one of the two daughters your parents have had.

I guess nothing. Just get on with life. And don't tell me to prove that I'm not the useless stupid one because I can't suddenly be a smarty pants and grow brains.

Why am I the useless stupid one? Simply because I'm not academically inclined. Not good with books. Because I didn't accomplish anything. Make something out of myself. Didn't end up being something like my mum or dad. Which is like a accountant and lecturer. Instead I went and learned useless shitty stuff like nail and make up stuffy. I tried learning accounts to please them. But a quarter through the course I realised I just couldn't get through any farther anymore. I just didn't understand. Dad maybe could have helped but I wouldn't want him teaching me anything after the horrible experience of him giving tuition to me when I was a kid still stuck in my head. Non-stop asking of why was I so stupid.

Haiz.

I wanted to learn driving. Get a driver's license. Told mum that and all she did was pretend I didn't exist and said my sis should go learn driving. Here I was talking about me and all she could focus on was my sis. And sis doesn't even wanna learn driving. Diao.

I wanted to study somemore. But mum felt it is a waste of money to sponser me. Having enough retirement funds for herself was more important. I guess it is.

Growing up, I always felt insecure and if my parents thought me stupid then I must be pretty dumb. Never liked staying home because I felt like I didn't fit in. Always told people that I was the black sheep of the family. Been my dream since forever to move outta this place. Still working towards that dream.

Nothing has changed much since I was young. Still the black sheep. But I can only be me. No matter how much they don't like who I am. Thats all I can ever be. Slutty clothes and all too.

16 comments:

benjamin said...

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Chuchu said...

OMG. I am being emo and all depressy but you are posting a adv?? Eat shit and die.

CATS 4 MEOWS said...

HI THERE WE LOVE YOU AND THE CATSSSSSSSSSSS.

GiN said...

hey girl,are u alright? :(

Anonymous said...

Hi! Francis here. I had just signed up for an internet acc and the 1st thing I seen here shock me of my life. I am sorry for all these family problems you had been enduring since your childhood. I ready hope that I had the power to deliver you out of this "hell" but I was useless in this regard. Pls remember that your value & your worth is not to be determine by anyone. Not even your parents. Do not let a barking dog destroyed your life. Pls don't sink down to depression alright. And may you Nvr Nvr feel yourself really useless and stupid just because someone else say it. You are unit Lene, you had many wonderful qualities in you which I can't find in anyone else, and that's why I cherish you so much. I don't call you TG for nothing alright! Be Strong Tough Girl! If you need any support, I am just a call away. Pls don't entertain all those negative thoughts, look down on yourself, and sink down to depression; U HEAR ME!! Even if you were to sink into depression like droping into the quicksand, I will pull you up! That's wat true frds are for! Stay by my side, as a frd, I will nvr let you down. This you should known very well.

Jasmim said...

Don't be depressed, that's not good :(

Jamie Martin said...

I can say a lot of things like never believe in what they say you just have to find your place in this world! and it is all true but unless you plan on being happy with who you are and ignore them because I was never really book smart so I tough myself the things I wanted to learn and tried many jobs. To me you are a bright and can speak your mind as long as you can make yourself happy who cares what others say! Just being you is a likable person to those who know you!

Anonymous said...

Francis, are you part of the NATO? No ACTION, Talk ONLY? where the fck are you when she need you the most, you only know how to TALK! preach but don't practice is always your way of doing things is it? May i know what difference can you make?

Chuchu said...

CATS 4 MEOWS: Thanks for that sweet comment. =]

GiN: Juz a little hung up over some things. But I'll get over it.. eventually.

Francis: Thanks for your encouragement, it is good that you now have internet connection.

Jasmim: Sometimes I juz can't help it. But will not be so depressy for too long. =]

Jamie Martin: Still on the part of learning to love and be happy with myself. But I've at least come to realise I can never change to be anyone else my family or other people want me to be. I can only ever be me. ^^
Thanks alot for saying what you did it means alot to someone like me.

Anonymous: And so says the person who was never there for me at all. Not when I was sick, upset or pissed off. If you have the guts to point fingers at others please have the guts too to put your loserish name down Mr Jerome Yeu.

Lorianna said...

Hi Chuchu!
Well, I think you are pretty cool and I'm a mom with an 18 year old daughter! :)
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I think anyone who loves her kitties as much as you do has a beautiful heart! You are a perfectly normal young lady. Who cares if you're not like your sister? How boring if we were all the same?
I am so sorry you are feeling down and I am sending hugs and purrs for your kitties. I really hope they feel better and you too!
Having sick kitties is so hard, I know. Thank you for your well wishes for my Cody.
Take care,
Lorianna

Amy and The House of Cats said...

Ok I am a few days behind on this but I had to post a reply - maybe you can't prove them wrong by suddenly becoming what they consider "smart" but you can still try and rub it in their faces by being successful at something that actually makes you happy. I had a friend who had parents just like yours - her two sisters were the "golden children" and she was the black sheep. Eventually she realized that her parents were full of crap and that even if she wasn't "the pretty one" or "the smart one" she didn't deserve to be treated like crap (she was the oldest sister too). She realized that her parents were nuts when her youngest sister, who wanted to be a doctor, and had the grades to do it, was told by her parents that she wasn't smart enough to be a doctor and should be a nurse - and her sister listened to them and is miserable now. It sucks when parents make you feel like you aren't good enough (been there done that) but honestly that is just them being crappy parents - not you being a crappy child. It takes a while to realize that though. It sucks that you feel that way - from what I see in your blog they should be happy to have an awesome daughter like you! The goal is to not be that way with your kids when you eventually have them - I sometimes think that is why parents are like that - it is just repeated over and over and over. As long as you know that you rock who cares what everyone else thinks (and yeah, that is easier said than done).

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Awww... Ya parents can be really harsh sometimes.Some parents really push their way, they want to make something out of their kids but what they want is not always what the kids dream of becoming someday. You gotta live for yourself sweetie.
Everyone is stupid at something. And everyone has his/her talents and is smart at another thing. The important thing right now is that you are doing what you are most passionate about. =)

Kelvin said...

Just be urself lah, u r unique in ur own way. I use to be like u when i was little, trying to please them with studies and all tat...but at age of 9, i was like wat the fuck and i ran away from school for 1 week...after tat i just did the things i wanna do and they just accept tat. Of course the things i do does not influence anyone.
(^(oO)^)

Chuchu said...

Lorianna: Thanks very much for your kind remarks! They mean so much to me *Grins*
Over here chinese families would rather all have kids who are good with books. No one really wants those kids who are different.

Amy and the House of Cats: Yes that is true but I am afraid that even if one day I am successful and happy with what I am doing, my parents will not be because I am not doing what makes them happy.
But nevertheless I hope I will reach that point someday. Where I can truely be myself. Thanks for telling me what you did, I will remember that I rock =]
I am really sorry over your loss of Floyd.

ChinkyGirLMeL: Thank you =] I am trying to find what my talents are and to find a job that I have passion in and things I can be passionate about.

Kelvin: Haha yeah.. I am done caring about what they want and think of me.. I am too 'unique' for them le ba lol.

Forever Foster said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling down. It can be really hard when we want to make our parents happy, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. But in other ways, it is kind of liberating. If you don't think they will ever be happy with what you are working for, there is no need to try for them anymore. It means that the only person you need to work for, to try and impress, to challenge, is yourself. You are clearly a very capable person. Take care of yourself.

Chuchu said...

Forever Foster: Thanks, that is so very true. I just need to impress myself now. I shall work hard at it. You and the cats and kitties, do take care too =]